Thursday, December 18, 2008

Notes on Ridiculous Attention and Family


I don't get who in their right mind would want to be like me. I guess i don't have to worry about it since nobody does. However, i believe there are a few who would want to be the me i portray around them. Ridiculous. I waste time on facebook, desperately looking for the attention it provides. waiting to be tagged, poked, messaged, invited, commented on, noticed. Seriously, it's ridiculous. i need to shed facebook. even if for a week. OK. I can do a week. I just rely on other ppl so much for my self-worth. Ridiculous. i rely on boys by trying to impress them and gain their attention. It makes me proud when i am the girl getting all the attention. and pursued, while others look on in envy. I am so shallow. wretched soul that i am. I cling to false hope. My mind is consumed with times of anxiety, worry, and pharasaic deeds and thoughts.
Lord, thank You for teaching me how to love, respect, and serve my family. My small efforts bring positive change in our family dynamics. You have promised this. and it is TRUE! I never realized the amount of responsibility I have as a part of these family dynamics. Relationships. i have never really worked at these. But God, You are guiding me step by baby step as my heart examines my inner longings and brings to Light what i have been so desperately, yet fruitlessly, trying to cover up. I cannot undo the past. Lord, as I come to a weak point in my life, I pray i will remain sure in the face of doubt, strong in the face of stress, encouraged in the face of despair. For You know the plans you have for me. My worry is only a detrimental roadblock to Your Will.

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