I have a problem. Well, i have a lot of problems, truth. But this is an issue that MUST go away soon. Want to hear it? Well, it all begins on Sunday mornings. I rush harried and frazzled to church to set up for my kindergarten Sunday School class. Usually, flying off the cuff trying to figure out what craft to do, then stealing some cookies from the Pot Providence (just a more accurate name for PotLuck:) for snack time(i only did this once, and i got permission i promise!). I get to church by 9 to 9:15. The first fresh-eyed, still-wet-haired, little angel walks in around 9:15 on the dot. Then the rest trickle in within the next hour (Seriously, my church is notorious for uber relaxation on time). I teach as i go. I was blessed with a quick wit and creative brain that usually make me look like i know exactly what i'm doing. But it's a humbling process, always, because even on the other 50 percent of the weeks where i am fully prepared for the lesson, snack, and craft, something always gets fudged. And it's okay. It's preparing me for parenthood. Kind of like an appetizer before the main course. Other time like heavy hor de' voures:). But their comments and random exclamations make it all worth it.
I have noticed something about two of my kids, probably because their families sit in front of mine in the sanctuary. About exactly when the sermon starts, they are drooling on their father's shoulder. Out like a light. And now we come to my problem...
I do the same thing. Except for me, I am hopefully not drooling. And the shoulder i am leaning on is not my parents', but my fiance's. It's so weird. I wake up Sunday mornings determined not to fall asleep. I drink coffee. I eat protein. I take an Excedrin with caffeine in it. But to no avail. Just about when the sermon starts, right after Pastor G asks us to stand up in the honor of reading God's Word and to follow along in our Bibles if we wish, I am ZONKED. Yes, the kindergarten Sunday School teacher, the influence on the hearts and souls of ten children for 2 hours a week, is completely wiped out.
I've had issues with fatigue ever since i hit puberty. In many ways, it has increased over the past few years, due to medications and such. Plus the fact that i am almost ALWAYS coming "down" with something. My fatigue does not always come on slowly, like someone who spends their day at a fast pace, then comes home and decides they need a nap if they are gonna try to stay up and watch their favorite t.v. show that night. No, my fatigue is more like a two-ton truck that decides to take up residence on my eyelids and refuses to leave until i allow it to smother me under its weight. Many times i am off running errands, or meeting with someone, and i suddenly will be hit with a bout of fatigue. Then it is all i can do in my power to drive home and run up to stairs to sink into a bed, where i can relieve myself of the intense pressure building on top of me. Sounds a bit dramatic, but it's true. My body just likes to shut down. And i just have to listen to it. And i am usually okay with listening to my body's not-so-gentle urgings. But i'm not okay with it at church, nor should i be. Yet it always happens. I listen, i try to take notes, and sometimes i make it through half the sermon. But then i think, "i can listen while i rest my heavy head on my man's shoulder. No harm in that." Then i find myself alternating between a strange non-reality and the sound of my pastor's voice, as they all mix together in a whirlpool of confusion. I hear "Nicodemus asked Jesus...", and then Nicodemus is all of the sudden at my grandparents' lake house, trying to ski, and i am under the water, which has turned into glass, just swimming with the extra large seahorses who talk and decide to teach me to live underwater. Then a boy from elementary school shows up and professes his undying love towards me. And i am suddenly wearing my elementary school uniform....Ok, maybe this dream hasn't happened, but my dreams are usually these type of indescribable ones, because they go beyond human reason and explanation.
NO, i am NOT on any illegal drugs. I promise! But these are the dreams i struggle to get out of during the sermon. What's even more horrifying is i find myself holding back a yelp or saying something out loud that pertains to my dream, but knowing if i say it, the whole church will be looking at me in confusion startled-ization. So what always happens instead is that my whole body jerks as i soar over a mountain or something, which brings me back to reality, as my whole family is staring at me, stifling back laughter, knowing exactly what has happened, and the little boy in front of me whips his head around after he feels my leg kick the underside of the pew. It would be comical if it wasn't so disheartening. ok, it's still comical!
I realized i needed help when i fell asleep at my fiance's granparents' church in Kanawah, Iowa, population 600. Word travels fast in a small town, and i am only praying that none of them saw my uncontrollable jerks of the leg during the sermon. By the way, i think that's where I was hearing the sermon about Nicodemus....So i am on a quest now. Asking God for the strength and the energy to not only "make it through" the whole church service, but actually relish in it, in His Glory, and treat it as the holy sanctuary it is, a place where the body of Christ can come together and confess, repent, worship, and praise the Lord of all Heaven and Earth. That very same Lord has the power over fatigue. and restless, crazy, druggie-type dreams!!!
Please pray for my alertness and my body's ability to keep me energized and up to the small task of staying awake in church! I do NOT want this to be a regular occurrence anymore. Friends Fighting Fatigue unite!!!
Have a wonderful thursday. Today is a wonderful day.