Death of A Lemon Tree

My friend Emily just informed me that her lemon tree died. 

See, I bought an orange tree at the farmer's market in downtown Wichita last summer/fallish. Then i ran into Emily and she decided she wanted to get a lemon tree! These things are quite puny. I bought a huge pot for it in hopes of a fruitful growth, as well as encouragement for it, kind of like telling my tree that i believe in him, and he CAN fill up this pot with roots! It's akin to when my mother used to encourage my 5'1", 14 year old older brother. AND HE DID FINALLY GROW!

But alas, I think my orange tree is the exact same size he was 7 months ago. BUT he is still green and his leaves have not fallen off. If Florida would've given up on their orange trees all those years ago, well, you would not be grabbing your Florida orange juice out of the fridge, my friend. 

So I press on...

I would add a new picture of my tree, but there is actually another post about it and it looks the exact same. sad day.

Recent Creations

There's a lot going on as of late. Post-wedding is NOT a letdown, at least to me. Rather, it is the fresh new beginning of something mysterious and yet anticipated with uber excitement. Uber. My paintings are still in the basement of my parents' house, mocking me with their imperfections and begging me to cover their flaws, and my jewelry and supplies are still in the chaos i call my old room, having been neglected since wedding planning took precedence over creating jewels, photographs, and paintings. Wedding planning is its own source of creativity, and rightly so. But now that I have wedded...I NEED a creative outlet!!!

D's B-day cake

Enter: Food. Baking, to be specific. And a dash of cooking here and there. I DO have to feed a bottomless pit of a man every night. So baking for fun, and cooking as more of a necessity. Here are a select few of my recent creations at the new home. I can give you recipes if you so desire:

Baked

Strawberry Rhubarb Cake: I made this for D's birthday celebration, and it turned out splendidly! However, i think i baked it for three times longer than the recipe called for just to get it "done" all the way through. Weird.

Well, I might as well add D's Bday festivities pictures. My present to him was a "Night of Feasting", and from the looks of this photo, you will understand what "dessert" was:) OH, Marriage!

His "dessert", which he opened in front of my parents and well..everyone! You might think that's weird. I do too. And yet i do it! Let's celebrate marital sex people!

I laugh like this a lot. Didn't realize how wide my mouth went and how freaky i look! Can't help it, though:)

If he wished for me, Surprise! He's already got me:) You wasted a wish, babe!

Next up, Chocolate Coconut Slices, a HUGE hit:

i got this plate for a wedding gift. Absolutely love it! it just makes baking that much more fun. 

 

Fruit and Nut Clusters: Another Huge Hit!

Don't wanna brag about my successes, because i have to tell you, i'm not adding the ones that i know the consumers were forcibly getting down their throat in an attempt not to hurt my feelings. The good thing is, D likes just about anything. And my family-some of them-don't like just about anything. so they tell me when it stinks, and D lets me know it doesn't. The circle of life.

5/23/09- Plant a Daisy

I do not like the fact of who i am as a Christian. I am quite thrilled, really, with who i am as a pagan. As a pagan, I can be sure, i have the advantages most pagans long for; idolize, really. i find it dosconcerting that my piqued interest and attention come to when ideas and prospects of jewelry soar. or of major-time service projects. or of blogging about myself. the drudgery comes in taking time away from that to plant flowers in my backyard, have a sit-down dinner, host company, or go meet up with company. i am wistfully wishing i were back in my studio (St. Udio:) salivating over the millions/perhaps billions of variations in media and composition! the ability to make master works with my two hands and what is in front of me! to make something no one else has made!

Is it not enough to plant a daisy? No. because, although completely unique to its own individual life and growth, there are at least a few dozen people perhaps planting daisies at the exact time. different daisies, of course, but daisies all the same. they did not come up with the idea and model of a daisy and then plant it. they saw, they took, they dug, they planted. something is magical in that simplicity, and it makes me think that i will know the joy and peace in simplicity when i am able to do just that-- plant a daisy-- and feel such a surge of all things holy and content, resigning myself to the fact that i do not matter, and none of my matter matters, without a Higher Cause. His Glory, of course. I definitely without a doubt, see me as being more like the character Van in "Severe Mercy". or Davy in her early years. before she surrendered herself to the simplicity of One Being and One Word. Maybe not simplicity. But resolution. One important book. None of the fillers along the way. that is it, i realize....i am lost in the fillers right now. i know my biggest struggle and cause of discontent. it is the fear of "settling". The fear of not being able to see, experience, and accomplish everything on my list. The fear of being "just another daisy"...instead of an exotic piece of never-to-be-repeated jewelry to be adorned. I strive for uniquity (uniqueness?). And therein lies my discontent. If only i would lay it down. Lay it down to the One who holds me in His Hand, never to let me go.

Wings

When I see You face to Face,
I will finally understand fully
the encompassing act of grace.

Lord, I wanted to enjoy
all my dust-to-dusted things.
I still do not see above the clutter.
Lord, Jesus, give me wings!

Princess Ministries

Sabra! Lauren Po!

First of all, what do you think of the name Princess Ministries? Based on being the King's daughters, valued, beautiful inside and out, privileged (chosen), and called to specific duties.

2. I spoke with Jamie Schantz this Sunday as we were caring for sniffling sneezing babies in the nursery about the pitiful state the church nursery is. I think I was literally getting sick in there, so there's no telling how the todds and babes were handling it! we were talking ideas of how to create a warm, homey atmosphere...and then, after church, Meredith Mork grabbed me and told me she's thought of remodeling the nursery, and immediately thought of me to help with that! talk about confirmation!
3. going along with this, I also attended the library ministry meeting, where we discussed how to create an effective and positive learning/reading environment for Heartlanders to enjoy. After realizing the needs of these two areas, my brain started whirring...

How amazing would it be to get the young women of Heartland involved in these two ministries! it is dead on with God's calling to us as women of the Church: to serve the Church in the best ways we know how! Decorating and creating a comfortable environment for others is what we were born to do! This is so exciting to me!! So, let me know what you girls think. Offhand, my initial ideas on how to get the ball rolling are:
a. discuss with the elders
1. ask about budget for nursery, if there is one
2. ask about location- is the present room for the nursery the permanent spot? or the best spot?
3. present a list of things that need to be improved by men- electricity, window shades, furniture built, carpet, etc.
4. if needed, ideas on how to raise money for this task: bake sale (also a lesson on baking), art sale (i have a ton of ceramics i want to get rid of!), even a jewelry sale where us the girls can have a day of creating their own necklaces, etc. and then put them up for sale! babysitting volunteering (donations), maybe a mom's day out (donations)?
5. a list of needed items that ppl might have lingering around that they could donate: couches, blankets, chairs, tables, activity centers, various media, possible t.v. for watching interactive videos...
6. i'm reading a book right now called "Too Small to Ignore" by CEO Dr. Wess Stafford of Compassion Intl. and i am well aware of the crazy passion i get for every book i read, but this one truly is amazing and speaks as one with my own heart. While working in the nursery, I noticed something off that i had just read about that morning...the theme was toys. To summarize, Dr. Stafford was raised in a tiny, remote African village where age was not segregated. As soon as one could walk, you were called to help get sticks for the fires. and as you grew, the responsibilities changed and increased (like he and his friends used slingshots to ward off the baboons from their gardens). These were jobs. But to this village, it was also play. It took a whole village to keep things running and food on the table. So naturally, all were called to contribute. Dr. Stafford described the pure joy in being able to contribute to his community, as well as be involved in the lives of the adults. Today, we find toys, video games, mindless distractions, and anything else we can think of to get the children out of the way so we can get some "real work" done. Therefore, American children feel useless, then start acting useless. They get no encouragement in helping that they end up despising every aspect of work. Ok so that was a tangent:) I could go on and on but what i want you girls to glean from this is this: i was disturbed by the available activities in the nursery. Lots of plastic toys, pretend cars and kitchens...why not make it fun while actually instilling knowledge and experience in these impressionable minds? So, i'm thinking activity tables...indoor forts/exercise areas...anything age 3 and under can do. Of course, we will still have the toys...but i hope you get where i'm going with this...

7. I will be meeting with Janet Ralston next week to hear her heart and wisdom on this vision. If you girls could set up a meeting or two with some of the ladies in the church you are close with, we can compare and exchange notes next time we meet!
8. Why not take advantage of a time when all of the women are together? LADIES RETREAT! if you guys are going, maybe we can aspire to have a plan prepared by then to present to the women as a whole. I think this would be very effective and rewarding.

Love you girls! Peace out

My "Statement"

My artist's statement for the Fall 08 semester:
This semester, my goal as an artist has been to be able to express events and the impact they have had on my life. My strengths lie in writing and poetry as far as trying to convey what I am feeling, so it has been my challenge to be able to do the same thing with art. I see the world as black and white, right and wrong, good and evil. In a culture where everything is relative and there are no absolute truths, I hope to create work that not only discredits popular opinion, but also creates positive thought in the minds of all who view my work. I have been using acrylics and have been experimenting with various mixed media, resulting in a few failed works whose materials I was unable to use effectively. But each endeavor has taught me something new.This is still a period of finding my voice in the art culture, and being able to effectively portray what comes so easily from writing it down. I have been using my journals, pictures, lyrics, and poetry to create a theme. Faith, children, poverty, confusion, ignorance, tolerance, the feminist/Marxist movement, text, and color as a tool to revive emotion are central to my work. I cross international lines in a lot of my work. I use gesso, acrylic, ink, charcoal, and experimental mediums and apply them to canvas, scrap wood, watercolor paper, and recycled materials. My greatest challenge has been trying to present my art without crossing the lines of using symbols meaning an entirely different thing than what I meant for them to be see as. What can be such an absolute statement in my own words turns out a much more vague statement in my art. In order to achieve a level of effectiveness and understanding from the viewers, I have been trying to express ideas not only through what is put on the canvas, but also what is left off. I feel I have a long way to go. I feel I compulsively continue working on projects that should be left alone. I also think the thoughts in my head and the things on my heart are not quite making their way to the canvas. But I continue to experiment and I feel that when I am making art about something I truly love, the brushstrokes continue to come easier.

Boys...who needs 'em? uhh, We Do

Will i be able to write down the entire process of how I finally realized that God made men as a blessing for himself AND women? No, definitely not. it is a misconception that has plagued me since elementary years on the playground as i stared down each boy with the intent of beating them in whatever game we were playing. They were the competition. I couldn't let BOYS think they were better than me. Yeah, that got me nowhere fast as you can imagine.
But i do, once i figure out this blog posting, want to share minute and major thoughts and tidbits that have helped me understand the importance of me and the respect, love, admiration, and grace they deserve from us women.

written on 7/13/2008:

Before you get any deeper than just friends with a boy, you need to first observe his motivation for what he does. what is this boy relying on to define his worth?
is it looks? is it sports? is it his wonderful charisma that has the ability to leave you blushing in his wake? or is it the LORD?
well...how can you know for sure? it takes time. rushing into things will only leave you with stories in which to warn girls younger than you to not do what you did when you were their age;) which shows God can use your past as a blessing in your future, but you're getting nowhere (actually you're sinking) when you give into actions that you already know without a doubt are pure sin.
so, while you are waiting on God's timing, you can look for signs of fruit in this boy's life. these are some godly qualities that i find a necessity in the man i will spend the rest of my life with:
humility, quiet strength, meekness, dependence upon the Lord, honesty, sincerity, patience, perseverance, selflessness, hope, contentment, and an utter and intentional forgetting of self-want.

No pain, No pretty

I suffer from migraines. and one day i was caught between the lines of needing to scream so bad but knowing that would only make it worse. This migraine was impossible. Ice or heat? Massage or pressure? There was no solution for fixing it, this mother of all migraines. all i could do was wait it out. and whimper. i truly did whimper. like a wimp. Such an intense feeling it is to feel trapped in your own body. It's funny because pain, when absent, is idealized to be this great and tragic trial that will make us stronger in the end. We think the pain is worth it to bear, so we trudge on "courageously". I'm not just talking migraines. in fact, i'm kind of opening a can of worms. but it's a can of worms i am all too familiar with.
Taking laxatives, running marathons, living in a desert or rainforest, getting drunk, even swimming with your clothes on- those all have been to me at one point exotic trials, ones i said "bring it on!" to and foolishly thought i could bear it. Because i saw the world as this: No pain, No fame. No pain, No pretty.
laxatives, waxes, throwing up, gnawing hunger pangs, working out, sacrificing time and attention to this pain for the pretty. i struggled with this. i struggle with this. it's my idol. when it comes down to it, i worship image and everything about it.

I bet you are too. i know you are. this is why i am stepping out in faith that God will take the words and experiences of a clumsy child like me and breathe that Truth into the hearts of every girl who reads anything on this blog.

God has really been trying to tell me something and i'm just now, it seems, starting to truly listen. He tells me He has a Divine Plan for my life. In this stage of life, at 22, i have the golden opportunity to serve. to give of my time and to tell of my past. for His glory. always, mind you, for His glory. I've been given a heart, even a hurt for young ladies in places i once visited. in valleys i once crossed. in paths i once stumbled through. The hardest falls and the deepest lessons that i know you will encounter. in a different form, with a different name, maybe, but the core of our struggle is the same. Read mine. Experience mine. Read others'. Learn from each other. We are after all, all daughters of the King.