IF you really don't NEED anything for Christmas...

Go ahead and visit this link, pick a few things out, and let your loved ones know that they can get one of these for you for Christmas, rather than racking your brain to figure out what you could possibly ask them for this Christmas. Compassion Gift Catalog. 

"Batman", one of the kids i met in Nairobi

What ya waitin' for?

You look like someone who could help me out!

This season, and every season, we gotta learn, is about giving.

Death of A Lemon Tree

My friend Emily just informed me that her lemon tree died. 

See, I bought an orange tree at the farmer's market in downtown Wichita last summer/fallish. Then i ran into Emily and she decided she wanted to get a lemon tree! These things are quite puny. I bought a huge pot for it in hopes of a fruitful growth, as well as encouragement for it, kind of like telling my tree that i believe in him, and he CAN fill up this pot with roots! It's akin to when my mother used to encourage my 5'1", 14 year old older brother. AND HE DID FINALLY GROW!

But alas, I think my orange tree is the exact same size he was 7 months ago. BUT he is still green and his leaves have not fallen off. If Florida would've given up on their orange trees all those years ago, well, you would not be grabbing your Florida orange juice out of the fridge, my friend. 

So I press on...

I would add a new picture of my tree, but there is actually another post about it and it looks the exact same. sad day.

Pure, Raw and Unfiltered.

I'm talking about honey, of course (you assumed that, right???). My current food obsession. My constant craving. If i were on an island and could eat nothing but one thing for the week i was there (i guess i could just say i was at home, too, but an island sounds more survival-y), i would have toast topped, and i mean topped, with peanut butter and honey. Lots and lots of oozing, golden, sticky and sweet yummy yummy honey! The oozing-er, the better! Of course, if this realistic scenario actually happened, my overindulgence would most likely end my obsession and create in its place a deep aversion for anything resembling honey. I guess we'll see:) hmm...when am i going to an island anytime soon?

So i get this pure, raw and unfiltered honey at my local Whole Foods (which is NOT, i assure you, like the huge amazing monstrosities of a natural food market that you are familiar with). This Whole Foods is tucked in the corner of a shopping strip and has about 5 aisles. But they do have two things I am hard pressed to find anywhere else--acai berry sorbet and HONEY! I like the fact that i am supporting my local farmers (these are from Haddam, Kansas, by the way), even though my support is equivalent to wearing a thin t-shirt meant to hold up the "girls". It still is SOMETHING, right? Better than nothing, so I've heard.

Honey is not without its disadvantages though. First of all, I woke up this morning at 5 am starving. So i went down to make me two slices of peanut buttery honey-oozing toast. And what usually happens is i wake up with a slice of my hair matted together in a hard sticky mess of golden goodness. Nice. This morning, though, I switched it up. I decided instead to put my finished plate on the floor by my bed, and then i decided to get out of bed, and now one of my foots' underside is covered in goodness. Better than the hair, I suppose. Easier to wash. Quicker, at least. Oh, and did i mention that i lick every plate after completion of my snack? Well, I do. And I should have mentioned that. B/c it makes the story all the more pitiful.

Right now I am trying to fall back asleep, while "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks plays a sweet melody in my head, and my brain turns to mush because right now, I kid you not, I have no idea the answer to this question:

Do bees eat honey?

Pitiful.
Get back to me.
Blame it all on my roots...

Going Loco for Local!

I assumed i was doing my environmental duty by purchasing organic fruits, veggies, and grains at the major health food stores around town- Green Acres, Food for Thought, and Whole Foods. My initial switch from your average grocery store to these higher priced venues was for allergy reasons- gluten, mainly. On my quest for "gluten-free" eating, i grew to learn a lot more about the physical benefits to humans, animals, and plants by going organic. You know when you THINK you know a lot about something? i always think by reading a few articles, i've got it figured out. But i never do. Once i began the first page of this month's book club pick, "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle", i quickly realized that this brain of mine still had a lot of learning to do. I'm never good at describing the process of thinking that led to my altered views, but suffice it to say, i will be supporting my local growers as earnestly as i can from this day forward!

For now, being a student about to start school, and living at my home where mother is queen of the kitchen, i know that these aspiring efforts will have to start small. But they have to start somewhere, right? i consider it a victory when i don't automatically launch to the extreme of any resolve (in this case, stocking up on a week's worth of local fare and recipes, prepared to cook and bake my way to my new eating habit goals). We all know (if "we" actually know me) that i am a woman of extremes. no middle ground. frightening at times:).

so this is good...i'm starting small. YAY! what i'm thinking is that i could probably commit to making one meal a week for my family and I out of only locally-grown food. The farmer's markets are hoppin', i've got saturday planned to visit one of them in old town, and i've got some recipes i'd like to give a go at.

So, no, i have not purchased a goat yet. for milk. or chickens. or seeds, hoes, weed-whackers, compost, mulch, and a straw gardening hat, but i am hopeful. if i start small, maybe by the time i have a house of my own i will know what i'm making for meals and not resort to mac n' cheese and spam right off the bat! just kidding...i would never eat spam.

A Beauty Call

I have recently become a fan of (and by recently, i mean this morning) truecampaign.org. supposedly i belong to the facebook group, but i belong to a lot of facebook groups, most of whom send me messages, updates, and planned events that i never get around to reading. But this morning, after eating bacon with my dad at our friday morning breakfast spot (Good Egg. I can call it our spot because this morning the hostess said, "he's over there waiting for ya in the usual spot:), and then having a couple brownies at home, I have some free time before class that i decided to make use of. and no, not by sleeping. although it is tempting:). the coffee is keeping me up for at least a little while longer. So anyway, I opened a few emails that i usually end up deleting, and what a treat! This site, whose focus is on identity, beauty, and impact, is a wonderful resource for women of all ages who struggle with outward appearances. So, ALL of us basically:)

Like i said, i just ran across this site, but what little i have gathered so far, it is a faith-based organization run by a Christ-loving woman whose goal is to reach out to those in the pit of societal standards on beauty. Being a past anorexic and obsesser of food, calories, weight, etc., this has really hit home. I just finished watching Part one of an interview Constance (the lady who heads this site up) had with the director of a new film called "America the Beautiful", which focuses on make-up and its ridiculous impact and power over almost all women. Please watch it! and watch Part Two as well, I'm getting to that in a little bit:

http://blog.findingbalance.com/

Also, i learned this lady is going a month without makeup, and documenting what happens and changes in her life along the way. What a great way to give up an idol! I remember my RA freshman year (in good old Reid Hall), who was an amazing support to me in the 3 semesters at arkansas, she and a friend decided to cover up their mirrors with paper. She would have to get dressed and do her hair (i don't think she hardly ever wore makeup), then head out into a sea of people without even knowing how she looked! That may sound ridiculous to most guys, and probably a few gals too, but to me, that takes A LOT OF GUTS!!! i think she challenged me to do it too and i may have for two days or so...but this was at a time in my life where my confidence was at an all-time low, and my main goal and desire in everything i did was not to please God, but to get skinny and sexy!! sad, but true. So check this site out. I look forward to looking closer into it.

Competition

Comp-uh-tition!
Comp-uh-tition!
Competition, Competition, COMP-UUUHHH-TITION!

This was a favorite cheer of mine from a summer camp i attended as a child. It heartily expressed the passion within me to not only excel in everything, but to blow the competition away!

It has taken 23 years, but i've changed. I hate competition. I don't know if hate is the biblical word for it, but at least let's say it is very distasteful to me. You see, from an early age, I have won almost everything i wanted to win, and that was what kept my head up and my confidence in place. I am still proud of all my number one prizes in elementary school (that, sadly, has not changed...yet). For 23 years, I have relied on my own abilities to define who I am, even who I wanted to appear to be in Christ. My struggle with perfection is strong. I was constantly told i was a competitive child. I loved it! Because, sadly, this culture defines winning as success. Do whatever you can do to beat your opponent, go to the extreme, try to get away with as much as you can. So i did. In high school, I learned to tackle girls in soccer without getting a foul. Pull down on the opponent's sleeve, come in from the side, fall down with her, etc. I was the tackler, and it was my job to be on the best player of the team, and annihilate them. Sounds way intense, but have you ever watched sports?? Bitty ball is even intense. When you are a player on that field/court/track/etc., you are not trying to be Jesus to your opponents. You are trying to annihilate them. Especially in Christian environments.

I'm reading "Too Small To Ignore" by the CEO of Compassion International, Dr. Wess Stafford. I HIGHLY recommend this book. God has used it to open my eyes to many things, but especially to this parasite of competition. Wess has an interesting story. He's an m.k. who grows up in the tiny village of Nielle, Africa. Only when he arrives in America does he see the polar differences between us and his former home. The people in that village had one pressing goal: to survive. Everyone worked together to make sure the whole village had enough food and protection. They ate together. They tended their neighbors' fields. They offered anything they had to give. As a little boy, Wess learned the trades of an African boy. One of their main responsibilites was to ward off unwanted visitors (animals). They used slingshots, which became, of course their most prized possession and thrilling activity. Every hit and every effort was rewarded with applause. If one boy ran out of smooth round stones, many hands reached out to offer him more. They never kept tallies of who hit what and how many times. I see three-year-olds in America that keep score in their activities with others. It has been so instilled in us to win, that we end up forgetting about those we have trampled along the way. That is why it is so hard for us to share. What child doesn't hold her doll close so that others won't "mess it up"? What boy doesn't grasp his ball with white knuckles as his sister comes his way? Today, I should use video controllers as the object, this would be more conducive:) Yes, we are to compete with those who serve other gods, but when did that include the intense girl in the shinguards or the neighbor boy with the cool toy truck?

Paul's statement in Philippians of having fought the good fight and won the prize is very misunderstood by, i think, every American. Well yeah, he won. But he was encouraging us so that we may join him on the center podium. It was a race against evil; all who are in Christ are winners! How comforting that is, but at the same time rather dismal, knowing that it took me 23 years to understand.

i recall that most of my friendships, until recently, have been battered and bruised by competition. I have athletic, smart, successful friends. One is an Olympian. Others are so brainy that they get to go to college for free. A few others are just selfless...and that makes me angry b/c i know i am not (and i should be). They are winning against selfishness. And some are just rich and gorgeous and get everything they want. Every time someone i love succeeds, I fake my happiness for them and hide my jealous heart. Whether they pick up on it or not, it affects our friendship. I build a wall between us, so as not to get hurt (read: beat) again. Inside i am conniving how to get something for myself that they can't. Try to ONE-UP 'em. I still think this way, but now I see the extreme folly in it, and i try to be quick to acknowledge my sin and cry out to the One who knows my deepest secrets. So slowly, I am getting excited for those who are blessed around me, even when i am not. truly excited. overjoyed, even. it's still a long road ahead. Thank God i have a Light to guide me.

Now, let me clarify something before I conclude. Success is good. Success is not a sin. The Bible urges us to give our all and do our best all the time. I am not fighting success. But that has been completely skewed! When did doing our best necessitate doing BETTER than those around us? Name one time when Jesus applauds the man who beats out the competition. Name one time when Jesus Himself has a competitive spirit.

This is my conclusion: I am fed up with being competitive. As our culture continues to thrive on and revolve around the world of competition and as long as there are Sunday football games, Sunday practices, late night practices, and anything else that takes us away from our number one priorities: God and family...as long as that is going on...I will be fighting. I don't know how i'm gonna fight yet, but by golly, i will...be....fighting... nothing should be compromised on account of competitive activities...the Great Commission, the 10 Commandments, the praise of our Father, and the 24/7 striving to please Him in all that we do. So i'm tired of those Christians who hide under Paul's words. My purpose in writing all of this is not to condemn everyone with a competitive spirit, but just to let you know how my heart has been changed, and how a little bit of it's outer wall has been chipped away. I feel my greatest challenge in all this is to learn to someday raise children who do not live life trying to be number one. It's going to be hard. I'm gonna start praying now.